I don't really like the way my friend treats me

>I must admit I have low self-esteem, but not as low to allow someone to insult me freely. Low self-esteem is not even that much of a good thing to have, is it?

Chapeau, well done, for acknowledging this about yourself. No, it's not at all good to have low self-esteem. But a lot of people do have low self-esteem. I did too at your age.

It's hard for other people to like and respect us if we don't like ourselves. It seems quite likely that your difficulty with appreciating yourself for the wonderful person that you are is sensed by your friend at some level and causes him to treat you so badly. That said, his behaviour is inexcusable.

I wonder if you're aware of why you have this low self-esteem. If you don't know, it's something you need to explore and get to the bottom of. A good therapist will be able to help you.

On a totally different subject, there's one thing I'd like to tell you: you write beautifully.

A good cure for low self-esteem, is to learn to become assertive. If you learn to be assertive, you will no longer let people have power over you. There is actual assertive training available. I speak from personal experience... that choosing to become assertive made a remarkable difference in my life. - :] - @ForumPoster4242 & @Brian-E -

Assertiveness training is a type of behavioral therapy or skills development program that teaches individuals how to behave more boldly and self-confidently. It helps people understand that it’s okay to say ‘no’ and express their feelings, even if they are unpopular. Assertiveness is associated with behavior that reflects our best interests, including standing up for oneself without significant anxiety, expressing one’s feelings comfortably, or exercising one’s own rights without denying the rights of others. When we lack assertiveness, we find it difficult to stand up for ourselves and assert what we want, need, and feel. It can manifest in several ways, including excessive agreeableness as well as hostility. Assertiveness training is essential for personal growth and effective communication, allowing individuals to navigate social situations with confidence and clarity. If you’re interested in learning more, there are various exercises and techniques available to help develop assertiveness skills. Remember, being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive; it’s about finding a balance that allows you to express yourself while respecting others.
(Quote from a Bing search)

@HerkyHawkeye said in #9:
>[...] A true friend will fight for you, even when you're wrong. A true friend will tell you when you're, in private. [...}

I will even do this to my worst enemy - most of the time - when they did something wrong or unfair to me or others. At least, that gives them an opportunity to sincerely apologize for behaving like a jerk on a bad day - though sometimes it's obviously a serial offender. In that case if someone offended someone else in public - especially at school or work - we need to state publicly to everyone we don't have to study or work in such hostile environment.

As an anecdote a manager once told me in front of 3 others co-workers this:

>If you don't like your work. Go and find a job somewhere else!

I later told him in private that what he did is not something we should experience in public without being an opportunity to be warned in private and given the opportunity to express our point of view.

Funnily, less than a year later the teams working under him rebelled. I wonder why such a nice man got his team rebelling?

Soon after the rebellion he was under long-term salary insurance. The guy left the company. The next time I randomly saw him downtown the guy was looking at ground when he noticed I was walking in his direction. I guess it's karma.

@ForumPoster4242 as a teenager these type of things seem to matter so much. As you grow up in 10 years from now you’ll see it was all pretty irrelevant. Regardless though if you think he’s toxic I wouldn’t keep him as a close friend or share any more personal information.

Indeed, I will keep in mind what you all have said.

@Brian-E said in #11:
> On a totally different subject, there's one thing I'd like to tell you: you write beautifully.

Thanks, man. That really cheered me up for no reason haha

from my experience, I think you should just have good connection with him if you take his help in something otherwise just ignore him and maintain a distance from him

I have been reflecting upon all of my interactions with him; and I realised he has never really treated me as a friend, or even as a human being. I recalled a few incidents. When I told him not to insult me, he said that his words were not abusive, but my words were abusive to him. I don't understand how "I have been deeply hurt by the words that you used" can be abusive.

Another thing I recalled, he does not smile much, yet I saw the widest grin appear on his face when something embarrassing happened to me in front of the whole class.

Bitterness does not solve anything. So I have firmly made the decision to maintain distance from him henceforth. I was hesitant earlier, but now I have realised the harm it had been doing to me. I know it's been three days, yet I would like to thank you all once again for your replies. It really meant a lot for me. Peace.

@ForumPoster4242
One final thought you might find of use

You can not let others define you
Only you can do that
Seek value not within the opinions of others
But in that that lies within yourself